=/\= Somewhere on the Charon =/\=
Cyrin had just come off his duty shift, he wasn’t exhausted but when one has the stack of paper work he had a drink was in order. He nodded to some passing crewmen as he made his way to the turbolift. Stepping in the doors swooshed closed behind him. He wasn’t entirely sure were to go, especially with the gym being out of commission and now the holodecks thanks to Marine and Chief Helm Officer. “Computer take me to the deck where Ian Lamont resides.”
A few minutes later the lift stopped and Cyrin stepped off, now would be a good time to notify the Ambassador he was on his way…or better yet to make sure it was okay. “Dicari to Ambassador Lamont,” he said after tapping his commbadge.
“Lamont here. Ah, ensign. Good to hear from you again. What can I do for you?”
“Care to make good on that drink you offered me sir?” Cyrin asked.
“Certainly ensign. I would be happy to accommodate you. Meet me at my quarters on deck two in five minutes. Lamont out.”
Cyrin took it slow going to the Ambassadors quarters and waited a few minutes as he got there early. Pressing the chime he waited for the Ambassador to respond.
Lamont adjusted his uniform jacket before opening the door. Before him was young ensign Dicari. “Ah Cyrin, nice to see you again. Won’t you come in?” Ian stepped aside and motioned for the officer to enter. As the doors closed, Ian paused for a moment as the ensign no doubt took a few moments to survey his quarters. “I am pleased you stopped by. It is not often I have company over. Most people seem to avoid me I suppose because of my position. Contrary to scuttlebutt or popular belief, I’m not all that different from the next guy aboard the ship.”
Cyrin laughed, “Ambassador, you don’t need to tell me that. I already know. Remember I am an empath.”
Lamont was a bit frustrated at himself for not realizing this sooner. Scouring the crew dossiers of everyone aboard was not something he typically engaged in unless needed. “Actually, I wasn’t aware you were empathic. If you wouldn’t mind perhaps you might answer some questions? I have always had a keen interest in individuals who possess such gifts. I am just a simple human. Understanding those who can do things I cannot is quite interesting. But enough of that for the moment.”
Lamont stepped over to a nearby bookcase built into the wall and opened a cabinet. “So what can I get you Cyrin? What type of poison do you prefer? I have a modest selection of exceptional, traditional spirits in addition to several more exotic drink choices depending on how adventurous a palette you possess.”
“Whatever you decide to surprise me with, just not whiskey. Commander Calhoun gave me some of that…I swear that stuff could strip a warp coil clean.” He said with a chuckle.
“So the commander has a taste for whiskey”, Lamont asked pulling two crystal glasses from the cabinet. “Whiskey is an acquired taste I suppose. Strong, potent, and if of lower quality yes it can be quite harsh to the uninitiated.”
Lamont sifted through several bottles. Several beverages were disqualified by Cyrin’s admission of his dislike of whiskey. Bourbon, scotch, and Romulan ale would most likely be too strong and disliked by the ensign. “Please have a seat Cyrin. I’m sure I can find something in here that is somewhat more mild than the Chief’s particular brand.”
Cyrin looked around and took a seat, watching the Ambassador. “Thank you Ian.”
Lamont’s fingers pulled a slender bottle from the rear of the cabinet which he examined. Noting the label, he uncorked the glass decanter and poured himself and Cyrin a glass of the liquid before returning the bottle to the cabinet.
He turned and handed Cyrin the glass and took a seat in a chair opposite the ensign making himself comfortable. “Napoleon Brandy. It’s one of the finest from Earth. I believe you may find it somewhat more agreeable than whiskey.”
Lamont took a small sip himself while keeping one eye on Cyrin curious as to the officer’s reaction.
Cyrin took a sip of the Brandy, it was a lot smoother than the Whiskey, “Much much better, sythehol?” he asked curiously.
Lamont chuckled. “Hardly Cyrin. I wouldn’t invite you for a sociable drink only to embarrass myself by offering you sythehol. You can replicate a glass of that swill anytime. No, I prefer a few of the finer things in life. Like this for instance”, he said raising his glass. “Napolean Brandy while not overly difficult to obtain is limited in quantity from year to year. It takes many years to age and its namesake and history makes it a luxury item to be sure.” Lamont took another slow sip of the amber liquid a slight smirk resting on his face. It appeared Cyrin seemed to enjoy the drink. Brandy after all was fairly sweet and quite smooth. He was pleased the ensign seemed to be enjoying himself.
“You mentioned you are an empath. What is it like sensing the emotional states of others? Is it an unconscious sensation like say when a cold draft enters a room causing one to shiver or is it more deliberate or more specifically, must one concentrate on an individual to read their emotions? I am curious how such ability works and feels. I can only imagine what it must be like.”
Cyrin chuckled and took another drink, “You know you are the second person to ever ask me that question. The first being a guest instructor when I was at the academy.” Taking another small sip, “For me sensing another’s emotional state gives them sustenance. When I was mentally blind, it was hard to deal with people around me. It was as if they were a blank slate, moving talking images but with no one there.” He paused to collect his thoughts again, “I passively sense every person on this ship, or at least those I am capable of. Ferengi’s I cannot sense, and Executive Officer due to a neuroinhibitor she has. Or even Lieutenant Tyrax, I can sense her, in fact I can pull her out of the entire crew, but that is because I am as you would say tuned into her frequency. Aggressively sensing someone is something a little different, it is more of figuring out what they are feeling, to determine if they are for example lying or telling the truth, or even hiding something. And of course, you learn how to block the emotions around you that way you retain who you are.”
“I had no idea”, Lamont replied his eyes shining with curiosity. “It must be difficult constantly blocking all those feelings. How does one cope with such background noise on a day to day basis? I would think a ship, building, or room full of people would drive empaths and telepaths quite insane with all of the thoughts, feelings, and sudden impulses that churn second by second in the humanoid mind.”
“No, the background noise as you call it, is much like the hum that this ship produces. You eventually get used to it and even find the noise reassuring at times. You even learn how to prevent others emotions from getting to you, though that is one I have difficulty with. For example if I am in a room full of angry people, their emotions will pour onto me like water seeping through a crack. Which in turn will cause me to become angry for no reason.”
Ian noticed Cyrin’s glass was empty. “Your glass is empty. Please, let me pour you another. “ Lamont stood poured them both another small glass of brandy and again took a seat as Cyrin continued.”
Cyrin looked down at his glass, “Thank you,” he said as Ian refilled his glass. “Ian, if I am still permitted to call you that,” he asked “My being empathic, being able to sense emotions and feelings is to you like your being unable to sense emotions or feelings is to me. I couldn’t imagine life without it even though for a period of time I was without my ability, and it devastated me.”
“No need for formalities Cyrin. We’re both off the clock and I did invite you after all. Titles are just masks we sometimes tend to hide behind. I for one find rank and titles to be rather boorish at times when a person feels the need to remind one of it consistently. Ian is perfectly acceptable.
However, back to your points, the loss of a sense I have heard can be take an emotional and psychological toll. Having something and losing it makes it ever more precious. Getting something like that back, be it a miracle or through other means, only serves to reinforce ones appreciation for the gifts we have each been given. You are lucky indeed. I too have lost something dear to me. Something I hope one day to regain if possible.”
Lamont swirled his brandy in his glass. Gazing at the amber spirits within he wondered what it might be like to feel the emotions of others. His past and indeed most of his life had been devoid of much passion. His constant companion was anger, regret, even hatred. He’d never had much time to know the heights of love or even close companionship. His acquaintances were usually shallow with Lamont attempting to use them to obtain his own goals. Relationships were something quite foreign. However aboard this ship he found himself confronted with many possibilities that had never before presented themselves to him. Was it possible he was forming a bond with some of the crew? He glanced up at Dicari. He couldn’t call the ensign a friend, well not yet anyway. They had only just recently met having something of a common thread between them. Perhaps in time something more would come of things. If the conversation was any indication the ensign did not seem too reserved around him. Ian was pleased he could talk to someone in a normal sense. Everyone acted so formal around him. Though he sometimes hated to admit it, Lamont was a normal person with the same sorts of desires, needs, and wants as anyone else. His position often isolated him and he was beginning to regret having shut out so many people for so very long. The conversation with Cyrin was refreshing. It had been sometime since he had just sat and talked with someone about nothing in particular. Oddly, doing nothing felt good.
“Tell me, how did you lose your ability, if I may be permitted to ask? I realize the question may be quite personal, however my curiosity has gotten the better of me. If I have made you uncomfortable please forgive me. If you would rather discuss another topic we can certainly move on.”
Cyrin immediately sensed Ian’s depression, “I know what it is like to be isolated Ian. I am a half breed, a hybrid, I have been isolated for most of my life.” He took a sip of the liquid, “As for what caused my empathic skills to be lost…a factor of many things. I was new to the Charon, upset because of the Captain refusing to accept my declination of a promotion. I was vulnerable, and I was tricked by fear and hatred. I blew up the ready room when I figured out that the Captain was not going to commit genocide. That was originally set for her. I ended up in sickbay, and shortly thereafter I lost my gift. Lieutenant Tyrax helped me to find myself again because I was so far into self loathing and fear.” He paused, “As being part Betazoid we are taught to be honest, to hide from the truth is to hide from oneself. You may not consider me a friend, but I am certainly someone who can empathize on an emotional level and an intellectual level.”
Ian’s eyes nearly snapped open, but he willed them to remain steady. “Was he that easy to read?” Cyrin was reading him like a book! Lamont had studied and practiced how to cloud his emotional states and even his thoughts from empaths and telepaths as a tactic during negotiations when such personnel might be employed. He was quite concerned Cyrin could sense him so easily. Ian prepared to raise his mental shields however he stopped, took a deep breath, and simply relaxed. It felt good to talk perhaps even to let his guard down. There was something genuine about Dicari, something Ian couldn’t exactly explain. He felt oddly comfortable around him. Voices within him cried out for him to raise his defenses, but for once Ian denied them. He said nothing, but allowed his emotions to run free which without question Cyrin could no doubt see as only an empath could. Dicari didn’t appear to be the sort of person who would gossip about such matters. Lamont somehow felt secure he could allow his emotions to run free without fear or reservation.
“Fear, anger, isolation”, Lamont paused. “Yes, such things can be powerful devils which can cloud one’s judgment if they are allowed to run free.” Lamont took another breath as his own emotions coursed through him. He felt somewhat naked sitting before an empath who was no doubt sensing the uncertainty within him. “You are not the only one who has listened to their forbidden, siren song. Alluring and enchanting, such emotions can only lead to ruin. I too have fallen victim to them. I had an altercation with the captain myself which upon reflection was a pitiful display for someone who should be in touch with the subtleties of emotions. While I cannot sense emotion like you can I am quite adept at sensing what people might be thinking in other ways. Body language, tone of voice, eye movements, even conversation topics are all clues in the puzzle that makes up each unique individual. I find deciphering that puzzle to be quite enjoyable at times. Each person is different on many levels, but they are also the same as you can probably relate.”
Cyrin said nothing nor made any type of movement towards Ian’s reactions, he felt the need to hide though and the resistance from Ian, “The problem with body movement, as with you now Ian. Body movement, eye movement can be deceiving, emotions cannot. I am not saying you are not a qualified or gifted negotiator or ambassador for that matter, but humanoids are deceiving. Even Betazoids.” He stated.
“Aye. I wouldn’t call it an exact science Cyrin, but it is all that I have. Indeed many people can be many things some less obvious than others. While you can sense deception and disingenuous emotions I cannot. Thus I must rely upon other methods. While you are quite correct that a skilled individual can deceive such is a rarity. Every man has a weakness be it subtle or obvious. It simply is matter of time, observation, and analysis to determine what that is.”
Lamont finished off the last of his brandy. Its smooth, warming effects were relaxing or perhaps it was something else. Perhaps he wanted to talk to someone about things he had never spoken of. Speaking without contemplating the delivery of each word was so much easier than they way he normally carried himself. He felt if a weight had been lifted speaking to the ensign though his mind was yet unable to exactly grasp how or why.
“I..I do not know if we are friends Cyrin”, Lamont said after several moments of silence the Ensign’s earlier comment weighing heavily on him. “I would like to think we are, but I suppose the decision lies with you. Since I lack your ability, I can only guess as to your feelings on the subject. I have had few people whom I could talk to quite like this. Being an ambassador, rubbing elbows with shallow individuals, the elite, and being removed from the common man with the common man shying away from the title of ambassador not wanting to associate with the person behind the title – it is how to say, lonely at the top, to use the expression. I am surprised you accepted my invitation for a drink. A dozen different people in your position would have shied away from the invitation perhaps intimidated by my title. I wish that were not the case, but nevertheless, I do not seem to attract many friends. There are those who call themselves friends who simply want to use me as collateral to climb social ladders to open doors for them in certain circles. It has been sometime since I could just sit and have a drink with someone and not worry about their motives or intentions. For that I am thankful Cyrin. If I am correct, you also seem to be enjoying yourself despite the unusual subject matter. Would that be a correct assessment?”
“Ian, I am an ambassador’s son. I also do not use as you stated, people to work my way up. My father attempted to pull a few strings to get me assigned to Starfleet Research and Development as that was my first choice. I declined his offer. I have to do this on my own, with the aid of my colleagues and those few people I can call friend. Your title does not scare me, nor does your demeanor. Try being the nephew to the Sixth House of Betazed.” He gave a slight laugh, “What I find peculiar, is that you find me trusting even though you know what I am capable of. It is I who should be thanking you Ian, not the other way around.” He took the last drink of the liquid and set the glass down. “And I do not find the subject matter unusual, what I see is a man who is isolated, who wants someone he can call friend, but leery. A man who thrives off of social contact, just for the rudimentary value it offers. I sense you being uncomfortable with me being able to know how you are feeling. If you would like I can simply ignore those feelings from you. To attempt to even the playing field?” he asked. “But yes your assessment would be spot on.”
Well at least his powers of observation were intact. “No”, Lamont stated. “No, I have been around too many people who play at certain parts and are not themselves. I cannot ask you to be anything that you are not. To do so would defeat any sort of meaningful friendship. Ask you can sense, I am unaccustomed to having my thoughts on display. It does make me uneasy, but I am sure it will pass. Friends must have a certain level of trust between one another. The greater each trusts the other the stronger the bond of friendship becomes.”
Lamont stood and collected the empty glasses. “Would you care for another?”
“No, thank you though. Alcohol tends to mess with my empathic abilities. Something I am rather fond of at this time, no offense intended.”
Lamont nodded and set the glasses back into the cabinet before returning to his seat. “You seem preoccupied with me trusting you Cyrin. Almost as if you are worried about something. I believe you indicated you were surprised given what you are capable of? We are all capable of many things. Such things are judged as being good or evil by others and ourselves. We apply societal and personal definitions to actions. The action itself is not inherently good or bad unless one makes it one or the other.
Both of us are capable of action and we must struggle and balance the actions we wish to perform against those that we should perform or are obligated to perform. It is a difficult dance and one that never ends. To be honest, I’m not sure I have learned all the dance steps. The proper move still tends to elude me on occasion. You too seem to struggle with such things if I understand the meaning behind your words. We have both done things neither of us is proud of. However all we can do is learn from our missteps and continue the dance. There is nothing wrong in thinking certain things that might be unthinkable should we act upon them, however knowing what thoughts to act or not act upon is truly the most difficult of dance steps to master. If you fall down, you simply pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and continue. Those who are unable to get back up after falling – they tend to get stepped on by the other dancers or for them the dance ends and becomes a constant hassle rather than an exciting adventure. Learn to stand back up Cyrin. Once you’ve fallen enough times it becomes quite easy. I myself have tripped numerous times.”
“Don’t look so surprised”, Lamont smiled. “I’m not infallible. I’ve fallen and will no doubt do so again. But I always stand back up. Sometimes getting back up is far harder than the dance itself.”
“Ian it isn’t the dance that bothers me, it is those seeing me dance.” He commented his black eyes shining against the light in the room. “As for what I am capable of doing, what I did I lost the trust of my colleagues. Something that is not easily returned. Trust is something I have an issue with, not towards others but with myself. It is a fear that I am still overcoming, but then again aren’t we all?”
“You are quite correct. Earning trust is no easy task and it is doubly difficult to reclaim when lost in the eyes of others.” Lamont paused for a brief moment. “I trust you Cyrin. You are a unique and gifted individual. As for your fears, I cannot help you but to give some small bit of advice. You seem to fear something you once were. What was done is done. You are not the same person now as the one who acted in the captain’s ready room nor will you be the same in ten minutes. Time constantly molds us changing us from second to second. Fearing what has come and gone prevents you from moving forward. It can paralyze you in the present and the future if you allow it to do so.
I can only sympathize, but learn to harness your fears. Accept them, do not push them away. If you can summon the courage to stand up and defeat that which frightens you nothing can stand in your way. Conquer your fears, however dark, and you can conquer or achieve anything Cyrin for fear will have no power over you.”
“Now you sound like a Vulcan,” he said with a chuckle, “Fear is something to help give you control, look at the Kobyashi Maru test at the Academy. It is a test to see how you will react with fear.”
“The Kobyashi exam is a test of character. Instructors judge student by several measures. How well they cope with pressure, stress, and fear are only some of the criteria involved. I’ve taken the exam. For me it was a personal test – one in which I had to prove several things to myself. Pleasing the instructors was not on my mind if I recall. I had to know if I could take it out here”, Lamont said gesturing to the star filled window. “I had to know if I had the right stuff. Well, in fact there were many things I needed to discover. The ability to overcome fear and use it as an advantage takes practice. I was never much of a fighter. I have no particular interest in combat. I prefer utilizing intellect to solve problems and fashion solutions. The use of force should always be a last resort. It is a tenant certain individuals aboard should be more apt to practice, but I digress. I discovered that with determination I could overcome my weaknesses. Combat, remains somewhat unnerving for me, is something I learned to cope with. I learned that during the last war I could deal with my fears or be swallowed by them. I hated combat operations. I still do even when they are necessary, however there was something I hated even more. Being paralyzed to act was more terrifying than combat actions. I always worried that freezing up in a situation was far worse than just meeting the danger head on. It wasn’t easy, but I learned to cope. I’m sure you could do the same.”
“I never thought of the Kobyashi exam like that,” he shrugged “Coping is something I am still trying to learn to do.”
Lamont chuckled. “Here we are discussing our problems when that was not the intent of a simple, sociable drink. It always amazes me how dynamic conversations can be. One can never anticipate where they might lead although it is at times entertaining to try.”
“I wouldn’t call them problems, just simply what is on our mind. We both are plagued by certain aspects of our lives…and have found within each other a way to indentify, to learn, and to perhaps to grow.” Cyrin stated.
“Now who sounds like a Vulcan”, Lamont quipped. Glancing up at the chrono Ian suddenly realized the time. “Forgive me Cyrin, it seems I’ve lost track of the time. I’m due in engineering in ten minutes for my daily duties. Perhaps we can continue this some other time? Another drink perhaps? My door is always open.”
“Not a problem Ian,” Cyrin said standing up, “Thank you for the drink. Perhaps we can do it again sometime” he asked heading towards the door to allow the ambassador to get ready.
“Indeed. It was a pleasure Cyrin”, Lamont answered. “You are an insightful individual. I look forward to next time.”
“As do I, Ian, as do I” he said as the doors opened, “Try not to break anymore shuttles,” he said with a wink and a smile.
“Well I’ll try, but I cannot make any guarantees. One never knows what the future may hold”, Lamont replied with a grin.
~FIN~
=/\=
Ensign Cyrin Dicari
Chief Operations Officer
U.S.S. Charon
Ambassador Ian Lamont
Diplomatic Advisor
U.S.S. Charon
