He sat there quiet for a few minutes, "I can't answer that Kestra, each person is different. I don't even know what is important to me," he raised his hand to scratch his neck when two crisscrossing scars became visible on his wrist to her, he didn't realize it until it was to late and lowered his arm, wrapping his other hand tightly around the wrist.
Seeing the scars she looked at him. "Andrus what happened to your wrist? Did you get hurt at bootcamp?"
"Nothing, no, don't worry about it!" he commented very quickly and defensively.
"Did you just fib to me Andrus?" Kestra looked a little shock at his outburst.
"No, can we not talk about it please," he responded still very defensively.
'Someday you will trust me enough to tell me' She said telepathically. "Alright I won't talk about it for now. But I will ask you again later."
'How can you be so sure of that?' he asked her, "Thank you," he responded wiping the blood from his lip with the back of his hand. "Now that you see that I am okay..." he wasn't sure what to talk about. Sure this woman was his age, carried the same rank as he did...and he had felt something, he thought, more in her words than she was letting on. He would not push it though. He couldn't let himself get hurt, he couldn't subject himself to that...ever again. Without knowing it an image of his father slapping him in the face hard enough to knock him out surfaced, he didn't have time to block it from Kestra, he turned his body away from her. So that the back of his body was all she could see. 'Please don't have seen that, please don't have seen that," he kept repeating to himself mentally without projecting it.
She had rose to her feet, ready to give him some time when the image of a man slapping him so hard to knock him out she gasped and fell back to the seat. Not only from the image but from the emotion that he projected. Tears started slipping down her cheeks. Raising her hands to her temples. she whispered to herself. "no no no no no."
"What's wrong?" he asked her almost sympathetically, he didn't know if she had seen the image or not. He hoped she hadn't.
Looking up at him, with tears in her eyes, and not tears of pity. "W.. who hit you? Why did he do that?" Raising her hand to wipe her eyes. The emotions still bouncing around her like a ping pong ball.
"Doesn't matter," he responded quickly putting up mental blocks so that the empath wouldn't feel or sense or even see what he was feeling or even his memories. "It happened, nothing I can do about it." His defenses where up, "Why do you want to know?" he asked her, "Why do you care?" His attitude becoming almost belligerent but not quite there yet.
"I wanted to know because no one should be hit like that. And I care because I care about you." Rising to her feet she headed for the door. "But you don't want me here and I will go. If you want to talk just send for me and I will come." Looking at him once again, she spoke telepathically. 'Maybe I was wrong, I did want something from you. I thought you could help me figure out what I was. But maybe.. maybe you need me more than I need you.'
"You don't know me Crewman. You...how can you care about me? Do you remember what the last thing I told you the first time we met was?" He asked her solemnly.
"You said that, we might run into each other again. But perhaps it best if we didn't. That is what you said to me." Kestra took a deep breath. "I didn't believe it then, and I do not believe it now."
"If that's what you believe, I don't want you to get hurt. Kestra, I really am not a good person," he didn't want her to leave, but he also didn't want to hurt her...or worse be hurt himself...again. "If you need to leave, I understand. I don't send for people though Crewman. I don't get that luxury here," he admitted.
"I don't need to leave Andrus, I just thought maybe you wanted me to go." She looked from him to the door and back again. "You do have a right to ask for medical and counseling. If they won't send for me I will stop by every day to check on you."
"Trust me I may get some rights, but me asking for medical or counseling... no offense, but I won't ask. I would rather hurt than cause pain to someone else," he stated cautiously.
"How could you hurt someone by asking for medical or counseling?" She stopped. "Oh.. You don't like counselors do you?"
"I never said I didn't like counselors Kestra, I am not a good person Crewman. I feel that you are drawn to me for some reason, I don't want you to get hurt. The only road that my path follows is hatred and pain. I have broken both my hands, one of them twice, since I have been here. I have suffered a concussion since I have been here. I don't even know how long I have been here. I broke my own hands...I enticed Gorilla. I subject myself to pain and hurt, so I feel alive. You don't want to experience that with me Crewman," he told her, not to scare her but to show her the facts.
"Alright you just admitting that to me makes me want to help you more. I am not sure who this Gorilla person is, and I am not sure why you have to feel pain to make yourself feel anything when there is so much around you to make you feel alive. There is kindness and love and friendships. I do honestly think that we can help each other a lot. But obviously not if you keep doing these things that keep you in here. I grew up in a place where I did not ever feel like I belonged. And you saw something in me the first time time we met." She took a deep breath and let it out. "Won't you even give me a chance? You still have to show me what an utterberry is."
He didn't respond to her comment, "At least you were wanted," he mumbled. "When I get out I will make you some uttaberries and cream." He replied.
She smiled hearing his last comment. "Do you promise?"
"Sure," he answered, "I guess we can do it once I get out of here."
"Great sounds like a plan. I guess I should go and meet the head of my department. I haven't done that yet. Have you met her?" Kestra asked.
"Several times already." He admitted, "An interesting person to say the least. She is half Betazoid too."
"Does she seem.. well nice? Do you have a different name for her too?" She smiled as she asked the last part.
"I will let you decide for yourself what you think of her," he sighed slightly. "A different name? What do you mean?" He asked her the pain of the memory still fresh in his mind.
"Well you called one person Gorilla, so I just thought you might have names for others." She stopped. "Is my nickname going to be Utterberry?"
"Oh that. Gorilla is well, you'll meet him sometime. Some have names, others do not," He smiled only very very slightly, "As for your nickname...you'll just have to wait and see."
Kestra said teasingly. "I'm afraid.. very afraid." Looking to the door for a moment she looked back to Andrus. "I promise I will be back tomorrow to see you. Right after breakfast, I need some food in me to start the day otherwise, Well I'm hungry." She stopped for a minute. 'Can I talk to you this way even if we are not in the same room?'
Andrus nodded, 'No you have to be near someone like me to talk like this,' he stated briefly, "Remember what I said Kestra. Watch yourself," he added before moving over to the bed.
Kestra nodded. "Be careful Andrus. I will see you tomorrow morning." Watching him for one more moment she turned and let the guard know she was ready to go.
Crewman Kestra Grax
Crewman Andrus Morganth