Nikolai's eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at the boy thoughtfully. "I have seen many wounds in my life. Some I inflicted, others I received. Disruptors, Borg Nanites and blades of all kind. I know what each wound looks like when they are made by someone trying to kill you, and the ones inflicted upon oneself.." he said to him as he moved slightly to get a better look at the back of the boy's head. "This wound here is serious...You need to go to sickbay...But I get the feeling you carry a much deeper wound on you. One that caused that scar on your torso." he said to him diplomatically.
"I am not going to sickbay." He moved his hand to the back of his head and felt the warmth and moistness. "What would you know of pain? Why are you trying to buddy up to me? Why the hell do you care? A bit ago you wanted to kill me, now you are feeling remorse and regret. Why?" He asked.
"Yes you are going to sick bay little boy. If I wanted to kill you, you would be dead and your body disposed of in a way that no one would have ever found out what happened to you. I care because you are crew and your crew is your life. As to why I feel regret in harming you like that? Well there are several reasons, Firstly my intention from the beginning was to get you to use some of that pent up anger and energy productively. Secondly to show you that tantrums will not get you anywhere but in pain...however now that I see you...I think I understand more about you." he said to him as he stood up.
"What do I know of pain you ask? I witnessed my Parents, My wife and Unborn child murdered by the Romulans. Innocent people butchered like cattle by their warriors. I have seen my Squad mates burned to cinders before my eyes as their fighters crashed into planet's atmosphere. I have seen my friends torn apart and tortured by scientists and I have endured humiliations at the hands of the Romulan captain of this vessel and the physical torture her marooning my marines and I on a Romulan world had brought." he said to him coldly.
"I know much about suffering. I know hatred for one's enemies and for oneself and the road it will lead you down boy...A road you can still turn from." he said and tapped his communicator calling for the medical teams.
"Do. Not. Call. Sickbay." He stated through gritted teeth. He doubled his fist when the Marine referred to him as a 'little boy'. "I have dealt with pain all my life. I am dirt under your feet. Why do you give a shit about me?" he asked again. "You don't know anything about me!" He screamed. "I have always been and will always be dirt under peoples feet. It doesn't matter. Why do you give a shit?"
"You are what you want to be Andrus. If you want to be dirt under their feet then you will go out of your way to make yourself be. I know that rage inside your heart, I can see it consuming you." he said to him staring down at the screaming boy. "It does matter what you are and how you are...but not to me...not to anyone but yourself. My opinion of you should not matter to you, Only your opinion of yourself matters." he said to him shaking his head. "I give a shit because you are young and have been without guidance, You have been told by others that you are nothing so much that you believe it."
"You have been in pain your entire life that I do not doubt, however I can see that you have not truly dealt with it. That pain festers in you...and at one point you even tried to cut it out." he said to him and brushed his finger along his own chest in mirror of the scar he had seen on the boy when he was knocked out. "But that is not the way to remove it, believe me I know this for a fact." He said and lowered his uniform jacket slightly showing the self inflicted stab wound over his heart where many years ago he tried to end his raging hatred of all things.
"You are wrong! Think about what you did in the corridor..." he commented "You treat me just like the rest! You are just like them!" He watched as the Marine showed him the old scar, "You think just because you have a scar that you share something in common with me?" He removed his shirt and jacket to reveal the scar on his chest and several on his wrists and arms before quickly putting his shirt and jacket back on. "You know nothing about me Gorilla! You treat me like they did, and you will continue to do so just to stay in the status quo. My opinion of myself doesn't matter. Why should it? I am stuck here. You have never given a shit. Rules I stand by Gorilla. Don't touch me, don't buddy up to me, don't act like you care. You don't. Why do so many of your kind think they can do that? especially with a telepath. I know your weakness Gorilla. Have you found mine?" He asked trying to be tough.
"Yes I have...You are afraid of making a connection to someone because you can't trust them not to hurt you. You act out because if everyone hates you from the start there is no chance for them to get to know you and then leave you. I treated you like garbage in the hall because I too am quick to jump to conclusions about people and from the moment I met you I felt you were nothing but a whiny little brat. But now I see there is more to it then that, it is the front you put on to hide from the truth. The Truth that not all is bleak and against you. It is easier to accept that then it is that life is hard and no one cared enough to show you how to get a handle on things." he said to him ignoring his outburst.
"You see I am weak to telepathic urges but I see you are weak to living." he said to him plainly.
"I have a handle on things Gorilla. Why do you persist to act like you give a shit? Why am I the charity case?" He sighed, "You are no better than the Romulans, are you? You emulate them. Though you claim to hate them, you've become exactly what you despise. I reject what I despise and protect myself from dirt stomping scum like all you officers. You claim 'we are family' you lie. I have no family, it's just me, myself, and I."
For the briefest moments Nikolai imagined reaching out and ripping the tongue from the boy's mouth and forcing him to eat it while he gouged his eyes out with his thumbs for that comment. His work with Sakaara however had tempered him somewhat so he merely turned and released the locks on the holodeck doors for the Medical team to rush in finely. "There was a time where I would have killed you for that comment Andrus...but I see now that that is precisely what you wish, so I will not give you that satisfaction. You reject what you despise...so you reject yourself and what you consider pity. It is not pity we offer you but a chance to help yourself become a man and not some wild dog. When you grow up think about those words." he said to him with his back toward him.
"Take him to Sickbay...he is weak at the moment and has suffered from a severe head trauma so he will not put up much resistance. However if he does there is a Phaser in the emergency locker." he said and moved toward the doors of the Holodeck.
"Do not touch me!" He commanded at the medical team. "I am refusing treatment."
The emergency medical staff looked at Andrus than to the Marine.
"Just like a Romulan, when truth is dealt out. You run and hide. Gorilla you should know that my species is not known for lying. You want to kill me, you had your chance. You choose not to, instead you toss me aside, because like the Queen of Hearts you cannot handle the truth. I reject family and the notion of a family. I reject friendship at its finest. You are born alone, you live alone, you die alone. I pity those who cannot handle the truth or the facts. Only those who are afraid of the truth would resort to such violent verbal outbursts. Do not think I didn't 'see' your desire to rip out my tongue and forcing me to eat it while you gouged my eyes out with your thumbs. Your intentions are written so well across your face. Do you think I am such a fool? Yes I welcome death with open arms. It would be better than living this nightmare." He commented attempting to stand up to face the marine like a man, "It takes a bigger man to admit the truth, it takes a weak man to hide from the facts. Again you are just like the Romulans. You are a hfai to those above you. I refuse to be a hfai."
Nikolai stopped and looked at the Medical staff, "As you can hear from his words his mental state is not to the capacity to make rational judgments. He can't make the choice between treatment or no treatment. I hereby take full responsibility for any reprimands you might receive in doing your duty to save this poor wretch." he said to them and turned and looked back at Andrus his eyes cold. "You think you are free child? Your not free you are a slave to your own fears and failings. Everything you say makes that more and more plain to everyone around you, Rage on and try to provoke me as you wish. In the end you are hurting no one but yourself." he said and turned and continued out of the Holodeck.
The Ensign in charge of the medical staff looked at the Marine, "Sir we cannot treat him, he has denied treatment. Without a psychologist report stating his is mentally unstable we cannot do anything about it." She commented.
"Those words are the first true thing you have spoken today Gorilla. Yet, you have used your brute strength to injure me. You are a monster. You hide what you feel." Andrus started to shake his head and stopped, "You can't even look me in the eyes Gorilla. I am free from allowing those like you to treat me like dirt. Why not toss your rank out the door. Treat me as an equal, instead of an inferior. You panicked when I went unconsious, here I am. Perfectly fine. Finish the job you came to teach me. What was it, a lesson? I don't fear a phaser, in fact why not grab one now, oh yeah that's right you have one right over there," he pointed to the disgarded weapon. "Use it." he instigated, 'You know you want to. Why hold back? Afraid of becoming a true Romulan? Afraid of killing a 'child'?' he sent the Marine telepathically. "You can't hide behind your fears. At least I embrace mine, and use them as I will. For good or bad, at least they are mine to do as I will. Not as a veruul such as that that commands this ship wills. You claim you know me. Prove it!" He knew he caught the Marines attention, "Prove to me that you know best, prove it Nikolai Chernienko." Andrus stated, not once being given the Marines name.
Nikolai turned toward the holodeck once more and shoved past the medical officers and stood towering over Andrus. "You hate to be touched you keep screaming, and yet you have no complaints in mind raping some one. I am a brute, a murderer and a mutineer. I do not deny what I am you miserable little creature. But unlike you I am at least trying to become something better then what I have been since my family was taken and for that reason alone I am better then you." he reached up and ripped the Captains bars from his uniform.
"No rank now, but I am at least a person so in that respect I still out rank you. Because I wish to know compassion and feelings other then death and rage I stopped attacking you. Call it panicky if you will but now I know you are not insane. You are simply a coward...you want to take the easy way out of life instead of trying to change things in your life. There are only so many bridges you can burn boy before you get what you really want...to be utterly alone." he said trying to keep his anger in check.
"I have not mind raped you Nikolai, your thoughts are at the surface of your mind. It goes against my species to do such a thing. It goes against my culture, my heritage, 'my' beliefs. Do you know why I don't want to be touched?" He asked. "Death is but a part of life. You had your family ripped from you. Try being me," he answered vaguely. "How do you know I am not insane? Can you read my mind? Do you think I am here because I 'want' to be here? I am here because I 'have' to be here. I burn the bridges now in order to prevent regret or remorse. I have been alone since I was thirteen years old. You don't know what that is like," he semi-crawled over to the phaser and changed the setting to kill. "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live," Andrus quoted pointing the phaser to his chest. "I am alone Gorilla. Give me a reason not to push this button, and do not feign caring or sympathy. For I truly am insane."
"Since you were thirteen you have been alone? Four years of your short life. I have been without my family for fourteen years, if you want to compare hardships by time you don't come close. You are alone because you keep choosing to be, you said it yourself. You burn the bridges to prevent regret and remorse, Well you can't have it both ways. Either you don't care that your alone and then you will pull that trigger right now. Or you actually hate how you are now and burn your bridges because you don't know how to do anything else. If that is the case put down that weapon and trust people to try to help you. Not everyone is out to get you or hurt you." he said to him. Nikolai knew he wasn't a negotiator nor really equipped to try to talk someone down from suicide.
He changed the setting without the Marines knowledge back to stun. "You haven't proven to me that not everyone is out to hurt me. You did. Why are you alone?" He asked turning the words against the marine. "I can have it both ways Gorilla, I hate what others around me have done to me. Like I said you are no better than a Romulan. Return me to the cell, that way I can be transferred to a mental asylum. Of course that is where I belong isn't it. I was stupid to think Starfleet could help, if you aren't an Officer you are crap and officers walk on crap."
"I started my career as a enlisted man. A Yeoman is still considered an officer in training, I was a private. I learned discipline and found a place to belong. Then I earned my way up the ranks with hard work and became an officer. Starfleet can only help you if you let them, If you have been mistreated by a superior officer then you take it to your overseer and if they are the one doing it go up to the next in line of the chain of command. And if you can't do that then go to the JAG core." he said to him.
Andrus looked at the man, "No," he tossed the phaser at the Marine. "Finish what you started," he said to him "or take me back to my cell. I am done with your little mind games."
Nikolai shook his head and took the Phaser up and clipped it to his belt. "So you don't actually want Starfleet to help you, So be it. I am finished with what I wanted to do, a shame it ends in failure." he said and looked over at the Medical officers. "Dismissed...as you said you can't treat him. I'll take him back to his cell. If he bleeds to death so be it." he said to them and gestured toward the door. "Go Yeoman...Back to the only world you WANT to know." he said and stood by the door.
He slowly stood up, wavering a bit. "Better restrain me Marine Captain," he said before moving towards the door. "Wouldn't want someone to get hurt now would we?" He asked before collapsing to the ground unconscious.
Nikolai grabbed for the boy as he sagged to the ground barely able to keep him from falling fully and possibly harming himself more. He slung the child over his shoulder and dashed after the retreating Medical Crewmen." Now there is no choice but to treat him. He is unconscious and needs emergency treatment." he said to the Medical staff as he slid into the turbo lift with them. Andrus might not like it but now he was going to sickbay no matter what. .
The Ensign looked at the Marine, "What happened this time Captain?" she asked him before noticing that the boy was slung over his shoulder.
"For once taverish it is not I who needs medical treatment," he told her as he brought the boy into sickbay. "We were doing a sparring match...with the safties in the holodeck turned off," he said explaining the situation. "He cracked the back of his head on ice pretty severely."
