Sakarra gave this newest question due consideration and filed away the statement regarding humans as well. Not that it helped much in her understanding of the species, but she was continuously fascinated by the dazzling variety of thought patterns they presented.
She decided to finish her tea before it would lose its soothing heat and set down the glass before folding her fingers in her lap.
"A somewhat personal question, ambassador, however since you asked in the abstract I feel I may answer so. Yes, we do. And since Vulcans are as much individuals as humans, each will experience and resolve the situation differently. C'thia, or logic as you call it, is not rules chiseled into stone, Ian Lamont. It means to see things as they are, although 'see' is perhaps yet another inadequate word. Experience with all senses and knowing it to be so would perhaps be a better translation. Once one knows reality, one can accept it. And only once one has accepted that which is, is one free to choose what shall be afterward."
For a moment, the young Vulcan's gaze left the ambassador's face and grew distant, looking not at the bulkhead but something far beyond.
"There rarely is an absolute, clear answer, or path. Only choices. Some may seem reasonable at the moment, and turn out not to be so. Others may appear foolish, and become rewarding experiences. Kaiidth. One chooses, and chooses again. And while most Vulcans will seek the reasonable path at every crossroad, it is when the path is clouded and invisible that one must seek c'thia in its fundamental form. Seek that which is true, without fear of what you may find, and the clouds will disperse as if they had never been."
Her low, melodious voice held an almost gentle echo, and some other ever so subtle inflections inaudible to all but the most sensitive ears. Slowly, she returned her gaze to rest on the light haired human "What is it you know to be true above all else, Ian Lamont? Not believe, or have been taught, or suspect, but know in every atom of your body to be reality, and truth?"
Lamont took a moment to answer the Vulcan's deep, but highly relevant question. "I joined the diplomatic corps partially as a means to climb a ladder in the hope of gaining influence to one day fulfill my promise to my father, but that was only part of my decision. I wanted to become a diplomat to help end conflict. I saw what politics when used as a sword could do to people, what it did to my family. I wanted to help put an end to such things. I still do. It is easy to create conflict, to give in to emotion, anger, rage. Making peace on the other hand is a delicate art form which is far harder to achieve and even harder to make last.
I have always wanted to solve the problems of peace. That is my truth lieutenant. Recent events have clouded that reality. I find myself struggling with remorse and guilt, but also anger and hatred for those who killed so many on Ch'Dabhae. I am not sure if it is revenge I seek or justice or a mix of both. How can one be true to the tenants of peace when a fire burns within me to seek out and destroy those who have caused so much calamity? Is it not hypocritical? Logically, how can the two be reconciled? Or should they? Herein lies the crux of my trouble. My 'truth' is under attack and without its anchor I feel adrift. Does one have to commit solely to non-violence or can the cause of peace be achieved through the occasional use of force when justice demands action? I find myself unable to answer a deceptively simple question but one with such a profound if not elusive answer. My truth rests on my finding that answer, but perhaps it is not an answer that can be looked up in a book or manuscript. Perhaps simply searching for the answer and making an effort to solve the problem is enough. The quest may be just as relevant as the answer itself…" Lamont's voice trailed off as he contemplated his own words as several new vistas of thought seemed to open in the clouds surrounding him.
"Yes. It is." The young Vulcan stated simply.
He seemed to have gone from his volatile emotional state to at least a semblance of calm and Sakarra raised a mildly amused brow at the expression on the ambassador's face.
"The answer to your 'crux' is one many Vulcans must seek within themselves as well. Surak has brought peace to a planet torn apart by millennia of warfare by never straying from his course of non-violence. And yet there are Vulcans today bearing arms. How does one reconcile what one knows to be right and true with what one feels to be necessary? By asking the same question over and over, every day, every second if need be.
Your truth is not under attack, Ian Lamont. It stands as simple and clear as it always has. It is your desire to abandon it and the reluctance to do so that is tearing you apart and causing you as much pain as the fact that you have violated it with your deeds."
She held out two hands with palms upward, and tilted her head slowly to one side which caused a few black tresses to slide over her shoulder with a near inaudible whisper
"The choices are simple. Walk away from what you have recognized as truth because you feel it must be done, and accept the consequences. And if the need was great enough, and your motives true, you may find satisfaction, perhaps gratitude. But even then pain will remain with you."
One hand was lifted, and turned over, and then she held out the other
"Or stand by your truth, come what may and know that whatever may happen, you will be at peace with yourself. Your heart will still be heavy for others because compassion and empathy is the birthright of your kind. But how can one give peace to others if he does not carry it within? Nufau au sochya - yi dungi ma tu sochya. Offer them peace, then you shall have peace. One way or the other, Ian Lamont."
The second hand was turned over and the young Vulcan returned to her former pose with fingers loosely steepled in her lap.
"What is done, is done. Remorse will not heal the injured nor raise the dead. Tomorrow does not exist. Right here and now, it is only you and choices."
Ian calmly looked at the Vulcan. The tiniest nearly imperceptible beginnings of a smile formed on his lips. He bowed his head ever so slightly toward Sakarra to show both thanks and respect. "Your logic and wisdom are as invaluable as they are relevant. I will endeavor to contemplate your words. I feel certain they will help me see through the clouds that are obscuring my vision. Already I feel the darkness around me subsiding though I feel it will take time, reflection, and meditation to fully digest recent events." Bowing again, Lamont continued. "I value your guidance Lt. Tyrax. You may rest knowing your time here today was well spent."
Lamont stopped short of thanking her again. Vulcans sought neither glory nor platitudes. He would honor her and her help by refraining from excessive human expressions. It was a decidedly difficult concept to hold back thanks as a human. However, he knew from his Vulcan studies that the subtleties of gestures, eye contact, and demeanor were their own vocabulary. A verbal thank you was simply not needed for it was implied and understood.
"The hour is late lieutenant", Lamont said. "You appear to require rest. I should not hold you here any longer than required." He held out his hand to assist Sakarra in standing.
"Perhaps if your time permits you will visit again though I hope not to be confined here for too much longer. Your company in any event is most agreeable. I would very much like the opportunity to discuss and learn more about Vulcan culture as you are a patient instructor."
This earned the ambassador a quirked brow but she willingly extended a hand so he might help her up. It was completely unnecessary of course but one did not deny a gesture intended as courtesy without good reason.
"It is my hope as well that you should leave here soon, Mr Lamont. However, if I may, I should like to make a brief request. Pending your release or approval from the Captain, I would require assistance in searching NeoDyne records which might shed light on the experiments done on the recovered Marines. At this point, even the seemingly mundane might prove helpful in devising a treatment."
Cool fingers wrapped around her small hand with a careful but firm grip, and she practically flew upward from the brief pull. Long curls billowing behind her, Sakarra found it difficult not to be mildly amused by the ambassador's regained enthusiasm.
"I will provide whatever information I can lieutenant. If any detail I can provide that helps to heal those affected or bring the fiends responsible for recent events to justice then I will do everything I can to assist in that endeavor. Someone has to be made to answer for their crimes. The lives of too many cry out for justice and it is our duty to ensure they receive it."
"For the time being I believe it shall suffice to attempt and undo as much of the damage done as is possible under the circumstances. For your help in this I would be grateful."
He seemed a bit reluctant to let go of the warm hand still resting in his, or perhaps he was too deep in thought to notice he was still holding on to her, so Sakarra gently moved her fingers to remind him and he immediately released her.
Whatever lives might cry out for justice, the young Vulcan knew that the universe had a long memory indeed and those who had sown such entropy would inevitably found by it. Her priority were the beings still drawing breath, although she could at least understand the human's desire to right a terrible wrong in his own way.
"What may happen after that… I do not know. We shall see, no?"
Lamont nodded and raised his hand. "Live long and prosper lieutenant."
"Sochya eh dif, Ian Lamont." She parted her fingers in the Vulcan salute and after one last, long glance out of dark eyes pivoted around and silently strode back towards the door where a patient guard was waiting.
[End Log]
Ambassador Ian Lamont
Diplomatic Advisor
Lt Cmdr Sakarra Tyrax
Chief Helm Officer
USS Charon
