[USS Charon, Sickbay]
Nodding slowly, the dark eyed Vulcan studied Nikolai's expression before considering the problem of the vast difference in size between them again.
"Hm."
Well, there was no helping it. Any other person, she could have settled comfortably over their stomach without touching more than their waist with her knees, with a small built one possibly not even that. But this human who could compete with a Sehlat for size and muscle mass would inevitably end up with at least some of her weight on him. Hopefully it would not inconvenience him too much.
Bunching up the fabric of her skirt to give her legs freedom of movement, she positioned herself where she could best reach the pressure points and quirked a brow at his sharp intake of breath when her warm legs touched his sides. The silk stockings had retained the pleasant heat under the long robe, and should not have caused discomfort. And he knew from contact with her hands that Vulcan body temperature significantly exceeded that of a human. Logic suggested, she must have accidentally hurt him.
"Where?"
He watched her slender body move over him and ordinarily he would have found that appealing but as her lovely stockinged thighs brushed against his sides a sharp acute pain echoed through his body. The entire right side of his body started tingling as he groaned and took a sharp intake of breath. He blinked a moment and moved her hand down his side to just above his kidney, as he couldn't speak through the pain.
"Ah. I see."
How such frayed nerve endings, pushed to every imaginable limit and beyond, could still be functioning at all was a puzzle. But one that would have to be solved at a later time.
Sakarra sought out the ideal point to interrupt the maddening pain from wreaking any more havoc, a look of deep concentration on her face. Finally, she felt the body under her relax and a deep breath being drawn, but the echo in her own side was rather persistent.
"Mah't ertay'ek."
Shaking her head, she briefly rubbed her waist until the discomfort had to submit to sheer stubbornness. At least she felt nothing but a mild soreness from Nikolai now, something that most people experienced so often in their life after exercising too much, they barely paid attention to it any more.
"Better, yes?" she blinked once more and regained her composure.
A brief touch to his chest confirmed the steady breath and there was almost an ease to the intake of air that had not been there before.
The young woman decided they could both use a few seconds and brushed some unruly curls from her face.
"You are right there is no shame in the emotion itself, Nikolai. However, it is not the Vulcan way to burden another with sadness, anger or other feelings, unless the offer has been made freely. And even then, many will hesitate to inflict deep sorrow onto another. For it is almost always true, that as soon as a Vulcan realizes another is in deep distress, his or her own concern will add to the emotion, creating a cycle of shared pain, deepening and unstoppable. It is not something I should wish you to experience."
Nikolai blinked his eyes back opened and looked at her finally able to find his voice once more. "Da, it is much better thank you." he said after a moment having wetted his lips again to unseal them. "It is a heavy obligation to share such things I know, but you have already shared mine more intimately then any person before you. I offer freely to you the same as you have shown me. I have known you only a short time but I consider you a close friend Sakarravich, something the Russian people rarely do." he said to her as his breathing relaxed. The Russians were a very closed off people and offered true friendship very rarely unless they knew you deeply. After these sessions Nikolai felt he could offer this to her without regret.
Another deeply thoughtful look followed the Marine's words, and at last another slow nod.
"Your offer honors me, Nikolai Chernienko. And yet,…" there was a sadness lingering about the young Vulcan, and underneath a barely contained flame, kept in check by indomitable will, but always waiting for something to feed it. Like a glowing ember sometimes needs only a breath of air to become a roaring fire, the full fury of a Vulcan's rage often needed little to be unleashed, and it took a terrible toll to keep it reined in.
"… I would not know where to begin."
He looked at her carefully and then gave the faintest of grins to her."My mother often told me that there is always one place to begin, and that is at the beginning. If you try to start at the middle or the end the point of the story is lost." he said to her softly, as one friend would to another when they were trying to reassure them.
"Imminently logical."
The deep, black pools of her eyes rested on the Russian's face for several heartbeats, and tension she had known was there but not allowed herself to acknowledge, seemed to drain from her body with every slow, deliberate breath.
"Although like most stories, the ones I would have to tell have no clear beginning or end, and they intertwine in unexpected ways. What would you say if I told you that she who was my mother and who died attempting to free her home from the occupation of the Sundered would have been the first to approve of my serving on this of all vessels? And yes, she was a scientist and from the day I was born has shown me what that means. As have many others of my immediate and extended family, and to see what has been done to you and other living beings in the name of science …"
A deep, dangerous undertone had appeared in her usually so melodious voice and she paused for another breath to subdue it
".. is an offense for which I have no words. How does one explain such things? I know you are no stranger to the cold emptiness of rage and despair, but for a Vulcan … it is different."
With quite a bit of effort, she managed to gather her composure and shook off the effects of the fierce anger that was clamoring to rise and seek a target "Suffice it to say, it would be unwise to leave me in the vicinity of said individuals for an extended period of time." She stated wryly "Even if I managed to leave them unharmed, which I am not certain I would be able to, my own mind would be severely unsettled."
"Though I am no scientist myself I understand your outrage. I know a Vulcan's fury can be nearly boundless if they let themselves go and mine pales in comparison, however I wouldn't be able to control myself like you would. If I was placed in a room with the men and women that did this to me, I would use every last ounce of strength I had to kill them." he said to her softly.
"However I don't believe it was done in the name of science..but in madness. NeoDyne was disgraced by the Federation because of their involvement with the Dominion...This was their attempt at revenge. Your mother's occupation remains unblemished by these madmen's misdeeds." he said to her reassuringly."And no Sakarravich I would not have imagined your mother who fought against the Romulan occupation would allow you to serve on this ship... I couldn't allow a child of mine if they had survived to serve here.." he said sadly.
"And this is where we differ, no?"
Sakarra could already sense the emotions evoked by her own, weaving a feedback loop that would inevitably create the irresistible pull to move closer to this other mind that was reaching out to hers.
But to confront him with a Vulcan in her current .. state .. would not only be terribly rude, it would be cruel. Fighting the current wanting to draw her closer, she reasserted her mental shields with the calmness that comes from long practice.
"It is by choice that a Vulcan does not allow either this fury or other emotions to guide our actions. If I gave in to my anger, what would it accomplish except more suffering? Revenge may give one a fleeting moment of satisfaction, but the cost to my own Katra, that which you name 'soul', would be too high. I should rather live with the fire threatening to consume me than with the cold bitterness of knowing I have killed for the single purpose of satisfying a selfish need."
Slowly, she adjusted her breathing once more and reached for the pressure points right below his ribs, noting with satisfaction had while cool to her touch, his skin was near an ideal temperature for a human.
"But yes, the question has weighed heavily on me for a long time, Nikolai. When I first learned who else would be on Charon's crew, my immediate thought was to apply for another ship. It would have been understandable, from many people's perspective, even some Vulcans. However, I would have denied c'thia, and nothing good could have come from that. Sooner or later, entropy would have found me as it has found you. Only I would have known that whatever befalls, it was by my own doing. Do you understand?"
He thought about it as she touched the pressure points on his ribs, the pain there deadening as she worked. His breathing came so much easier now though the relief he knew was only temporary. He pondered her question trying to keep an open mind about it.
"I know the deaths I have caused on the field of battle do not haunt me as badly as the ones out of cold hard vengeance. Every night I see that fat horrible man Harold as I quite literally ripped his throat out. I don't think I feel remorse for what I did to him or the Romulans I killed during the war..But It does feel as if with every life I took out of my need for vengeance that I lost a part of myself.." he said after a moment.
"Yes." Sakarra said simply, in a voice barely above a whisper, low and melodious but carrying into the last corner of the room nonetheless.
"Tilek svi'khaf-spol t'vathu - tilek svi'sha'veh. The spear in the Other's heart is the spear in your own. You are he."
Her robes rustled pleasantly as she leaned forward some more to reach further up his chest, still only managing the pain rather than able to remedy the cause, but at least there was a notable increase in his blood oxygenation which should help his healing.
"I cannot claim to know how it is for humans. I only know that every life extinguished because of me is a burden that will remain until my Katra is no more. It is yet another choice, and only by taking it freely and accepting the consequences can I be at peace with myself. That, too, is c'thia, Nikolai. Not to suppress an emotion, which would only give it the power to destroy you. But to accept it."
[To be continued ... ]
Lieutenant Commander Sakarra Tyrax
Chief Helm Officer
&
Marine Captain Nikolai Chernienko
Platoon Leader
USS Charon
"Mah't ertay'ek." - Lit. Most vexing. A clear sign of displeasure, few Vulcans would say this out loud in the presence of strangers. It is perfectly acceptable however to announce one's dissatisfaction in this way when a listener is highly unlikely to be offended or inconvenienced.
