[USS Charon, Brig]
"Your description, while colorful, is also quite … apt."
Not to mention it lent significant support to her theory. Tantalizing, compelling, dark. Only a few of the many words poets had used to describe that which could never wholly be grasped with words. And it was quite telling that Lamont had used the exact Vulcan phrases that carried the meaning said poets had intended.
"Yes, it would be wise to be concerned." Sakarra stated calmly, compassion shining in the deep black pools of her eyes "And yes, it is quite likely to happen again, especially as long as you are unable to control … what you have likened to a weapon. It is not, in and by itself, but can do irreparable damage nonetheless."
Enticing as a lover indeed. He had no idea how close he was to one of the fundamental truths of the Vulcan heart – or mayhap he did, on a level that defied intellect and spoke purely from the depth of what was still slumbering within, the forgotten heritage of one of Nevasa's own.
"The paradox, Ian, is that you do well to fear it and yet you cannot. Must not, lest it will do precisely what you wish to avoid. The only solace I can offer at this point is that since you yourself describe it as subtle, a whisper on the wind, you should be perfectly capable of summoning or suppressing this oldest of instincts, once you have learned how to do so. Were you a full Vulcan, or … one who might as well be," Sakarra could not avoid a bit of a dry note from creeping into her voice at the latter – too often had she heard how her mother's blood kept her father's from asserting itself in any meaningful way and that her insistence on calling herself half-Betazoid was quite illogical - "it would be as inexorable as the tide, not flirtatious but a relentless burning, at once wondrous and terrible. To deny it is to deny yourself, but to let it control you is madness."
Not to mention inviting disaster, but one could hope it would not be as bad with the good ambassador. Though another unintentional intrusion on his part might have even more dire consequences unless he learned how to shield himself and others from the inevitable fallout. Well, himself, mostly. There was a reason why grandmother Lhorexa had likened the experience of being confronted with an unshielded Vulcan mind to a frontal hit by a starship traveling at warp. Judging from Lamont's face he would probably not be minded to disagree.
Still, the very same Lady Lhorexa would probably be delighted to answer a gentle telepathic nudge from such an unlikely suspect and provide him with a less frightening but certainly … interesting experience. Delightful, even.
"That said, once you gain an understanding of your own abilities, there are few things a Vulcan finds more rewarding than the willing union of minds, Ian Lamont. It is IDIC in its most fundamental form, the sharing of diversity so both may learn from and take joy in the unique being that is the other."
Lamont swallowed quietly soaking in the commander's words. "So..in order to master this fear I must confront it. I must against attempt to touch that which appears unclearly within my mind. Doing so brought a terrifying experience one I am not apt to repeat. Yet you say to ignore the whisper would be dangerous if not illogical?"
Lamont's head fell into his hands. So many questions. It was impossible to voice them all. He was locked in a state of emotional flux containing fear, confusion, and uncertainty mixed with equal parts curiosity, fascination, and a strong desire to again touch that which had so blinded him only an hour before. Like a moth to a flame he was drawn to it even if it was a danger. He could not resist exploring this unknown just as the Charon could not be kept from exploring the unknown corners of space. He had to understand this voice within him. Ignoring it he feared might drive him mad in time and Sakarra's own words seem to confirm this.
He squeezed his eyes tightly shut wishing for a moment of peace so he could digest everything that had occurred. It was nearly too much to comprehend. It was inconceivable that he possessed some sliver of Vulcan talents yet he could not ignore what had occurred. But how to move forward? A child burned by a hot flame was not inclined to touch it again. He was torn between the fury of the experience and alarm bells clanging within his ears as his logical self screamed for him to turn his back and walk away and between a childlike wonder which ignored risk and naively sought knowledge with passionate zeal.
His mind poured over many questions. How can I do both? How can I gain mastery of such a power without using it, but at the same time how do I protect myself and others from its effects?
He did not have any answers. His eyes opened and he looked up at Sakarra seeking such things and realizing that perhaps there were no words that could satisfy his questions. She knew, yet language was perhaps incapable of communicating that which he sought. Was this some small taste of Vulcan existence? He had only the smallest inkling it appeared and yet even this mere whisper within was enough to completely bring him to his knees. How then must a true Vulcan feel?
It suddenly became quite clear to him why. The logic, the coolness, the patient evenness which often infuriated humans was so obvious now. They had to distance themselves from emotion. It would consume them if they did not. The fires of hell and the bliss of heaven flowed through them and one could easily lose themselves to one or the other or perhaps both at the same time.
Again he closed his eyes and contemplated such things. He could feel the thread within begging to be touched again yet he dared not, could not. Sakarra's last words seemed so tantalizing and so personal. He selfishly longed to experience such a thing and yet he could not ask such a thing from her. It was too much to ask, too close, too personal. She would never agree to such a thing. Why would she? He could not ask her for such a thing ever…and she had no reason to offer such a gift. They were not tied by blood nor bound by strong relationship. They were colleagues, friends, but nothing more. No. He could not ask such a thing of her. He was but an ignorant human who had clumsily stumbled upon something he knew not what. What right did he have simply to satisfy curiosity? It was selfish. It was improper. He had no desire to cause her any more trouble let alone ask her to bare her very soul to him simply for him to understand this new and seemingly impossible feeling within him.
Awash in a sea of indecision, fear, and confusion his logical mind was completely engrossed in thought so much so that it was not aware of his unconscious, childlike desire to again touch the forbidden and see where it led.
The child within him had slipped past a preoccupied parent and now stood staring with wide-eyed wonder and fascination at something it did not comprehend yet did not fear. Without any hesitation the boy reached out and touched the tether before him without fear or hesitation and simply waited to see what happened anxious simply to learn…
[To be continued …]
Ambassador Ian Lamont
And
Lt. Commander Sakarra Tyrax
